1) I haven't seen _that_ many nice teeth anyway.
2) No one could give a damn about terror. Or smallpox. Or George Bush. Hell, some might die!
4) Neocon imoerial projects would be limited to countries with stronger, more plentiful sedatives.
5) Clothing optional would be the way of the world in three months flat.
6) TV and Music would be forced to be better or become irrelevant.
7) A three hour opus would not be nearly as daunting.
8) Celebrities have access to better things. They have Xanax. Ever hear of Enqrique with fluoride?
9) The U.S. couldn't be any more apathetic anyway.
10) It isn't debilitating like Valium. The general public is just not ready to be walking into walls.
11) Ann Coulter goes from piercing maniac to extreme enjoyment.
12) 3 words - Ashcoft on Dope
13) No plans tonight? Just keep brushing your teeth. About time I saw some hygiene.
14) Elimiate the massive and dangerous Xanax black market.
15) If that's not enough, Fluoride helped create the Atomic Bomb. Don't believe crazy ol' me? Check it.

Recommended media for the summer: Abuse Your Illusions (Disinformation press), The Nation Magazine, Salon.com (please subscribe if you can, Heeb (esp. for Jews,) ID. progressive.com, BBC, CNNi (late night,) Da Ali G Show, The Amazing Race (fuck the cheesy game-show aspect, you get to see bad-ass parts of the world,) Ren & Stimpy ONLY THE CLASSIC - 11:30 THURSDAY NIGHTS. As always, free mp3 at subverseco.com.

Next month: I will read Ann Coulter's latest book and take her on in a heated one-on-none debate.

Until then, I remain,
Todd Matthew Drootin

Todd Drootin is Books on Tape.