The Mayans believed that the world is going to end in 2014.

While I accept the blatant flaws in Mayan philosophy, most notably cannibalism, they were smart enough to skip the over-hyped millenium date and set their end of the world after many of the big predictions (take that, Nostradamus), and plus they built pyramids and had a kick ass calendar, so perhaps there's something to this. We're certainly not moving forward on the evolutionary chart anymore; the concept of positive human progress has been abandoned in favor of a way to advertise on cell phones, and even our history and folklore has become fodder for Quizno's PR firm. We're pretty ripe for a flood, or perhaps a gigantic asteroid, or any number of other catastrophes that entertainment sources such as the bible and Hollywood have provided for us.

So aside from the obvious signs (war, disease, famine, and other famous jockeys), I thought I'd point out some of the recent signs of possible apocalypse:

Limp Bizkit is one of the most popular bands in the world.

Our high schools are now war zones, replete with automatic weapons, prostitution, overdoses, rape, and mass murder. The schools themselves are so underfunded that, in Seattle for example, many can't afford paper. Meanwhile, the adults in Seattle squabble over being charged an extra $.10 for their cappucino.

We are still locking up potheads, but are lowering sentences for rapists.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is running for governor of California. Scarier still, he could win. Though no one admits this flat out, think about it. I grew up in LA; most of that city is, in some way, directly ot indirectly involved in the entertainment industry.

Blue Pepsi was actually made. So was Secret Agent Cody Banks (start praying).

Reality TV, littered with the type of people we attempt to tune out in bars and at work, has become an American staple. The result: more people watch Paradise Island than CNN (well, at least Paradise Island is honest and straightforward--editor).

The Israelis and Palestinians can't seem to cease fire for very long; even Bush isn't attacking someone as often as they are. Deep rooted ethnic hatred in the cradle of civilization; bodes well, huh?

More people care about the condition of Ben Affleck's relationship with Jennifer Lopez than do about the reconstruction of Iraq. Take a second to let that one sink in.

In crazy lawsuit news, White Wolf is suing Sony over the film Underworld, claiming they violated copyright law (based on the similarities to WW's World of Darkness role playing and novel series). So shouldn't Anne Rice be suing White Wolf? Shouldn't Sesame Street (creators of the Count) be suing Anne Rice? Shouldn't Bram Stoker's estate be suing Sesame Street? Shouldn't Penny-Arcade be suing me for this paragraph? But digressions aside, isn't this just ridiculous? The answer is yes (and after seeing the film, you would think White Wolf wouldn't want their name anywhere near that piece of shit). Art is theft; without influences, 99.9% of current art, including music, simply wouldn't exist. In fact, all of the great advances of mankind have been based on theft; or rather, building off of someone else's ideas. This is the root of philosophy, mathematics, science, medicine, etc. So how arrogant is it to claim that you own ideas rooted in folklore? And if they want to argue copyright law, fine. I wrote a short story on the same topic (a war between Vampires and Werewolves) when I was in fifth grade. White Wolf, you can send your check to my office.

And Egypt suing the Jews for the gold allegedly stolen in the bible...couldn't they just cut out the middle man and sue the Swiss banks?

John Ashcroft has a job. The man who lost a congressional election. In Missouri. To a dead guy. And he holds one of the highest offices in the government of the world's only remaining superpower. That one should scare all of us.

And his boss, the posterchild for nepotism, George W. Bush. The president of a democracy who showed that you don't need to actually get elected to be president. Who proved that you don't need a reason to invade a sovereign nation. Who proved you don't need to help the nation to be popular as it's leader. I think his finger on a nuclear arsenal is a clarion call for the seas to turn to blood.

2014, huh? Perhaps that's a bit optimistic...