"Start a revolution. Stop hating your body."

I was at a festival a couple of years ago when I spotted a girl wearing t-shirt bearing that message. It stopped me in my tracks. What would happen if women all across the country woke up one morning and decided to ditch all of the petty self-scrutiny they serve themselves on a daily basis? What if they decided to linger a little less in front of the mirror fretting over their appearances? What would happen in this revolution? Cosmetic companies would be forced to downsize. Jenny Craig would go bankrupt. Fashion magazines just might have to start utilizing realistic models. And there certainly would not exist ridiculous reality television shows like Fox's The Swan.

Just when I thought they couldn't sink any lower than Temptation Island or Joe Millionaire, the folks at Fox deliver yet another doozy where women are pitted against each other and their self-esteems are exploited. There I was, getting my weekly fix of American Idol, when I first saw it. The previews promised to take 18 "ugly ducklings" and transform them into practically unrecognizable beauties. The women would then compete in a beauty pageant, the winner of which is to be crowned "the Swan." I nearly choked on my fruit roll-up.

Sure, everyone wants to be attractive to somebody. Everyone wants to be appealing on some level. And a few us would welcome a little counsel in the fashion and beauty department. I am a grown woman and I still don't know how to apply eyeliner. The extent of fashion/beauty insight I got from my mother when I was growing up was "Girls who wear red on Fridays are loose." I wish I were kidding. Each Friday, my best friend Jennifer and I would scan our middle school's halls in an attempt to ferret out all of the whores we suspected were in our midst. This is not to say that my impressionable girlhood was devoid of style guidance, mind you. No thirteen year-old is unsavvy when she has her aunt Debbie's heaping, delectable trove of Cosmopolitan back issues at her fingertips. From padded bras to eye lash curlers to whether or not sleeping with the boss is a good idea, Cosmo quelled nearly every query. It was a goldmine of filth and couture, and I hung on every superficial and empty word of it. (It would be years before I realized what evil little machines fashion magazines can be and decided to boycott Cosmo altogether.)

Only the contestants on The Swan aren't there for a spoonful of style direction. They're there for a wholesale, whole body makeover. Each woman receives approximately $250,000 worth of surgery and a paltry side order of self-esteem therapy. And the transformations, or at least the two that I have seen, are massive. One contestant had a nose job, a brow lift, a mid-face lift, dental reconstruction, laser face treatment, liposuction in 7 different places and some fat pumped into her lips. With strict dieting, 120 hours of vigorous exercise and the help of a self-esteem coach, she is made brand spanking new. Or so they say. But it just so happens that she has a imbecile for a husband. He is an absentee parent and an indifferent spouse. She thinks her plastic metamorphosis will exact her revenge and cause him to realize simply how reproachful his behavior is. The truth is that no amount of surgery will make her marriage healthy. Maybe what Fox should have given her instead was a complimentary expedited divorce.

Passing judgment on those who partake in plastic surgery isn't the point. The point is that you can't find genuine self-discovery and self-love through the hands of a cosmetic surgeon. Changing the way you look, however severe the transformation, doesn't change how you feel when you are completely alone with just your thoughts for company. Yes, Fox is paying lip service to the need for self-esteem counseling, but they're casting greater sensation on the external changes these women are experiencing.

I wholeheartedly support anyone having the right to do with their body what they wish. What I more passionately support, though, is the creation of a climate where worth is not a sliding scale based on beauty. Where women and men understand that it takes a team of professionals hours to make a model look luscious, and that's before another team of professionals airbrushes her picture to total flawlessness. Where women do not nitpick each other's appearances. Where what you look like and what you wear is secondary to what you do to make this world a better place. What I more passionately support and what I am most eager for is the revolution.